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    Flaming Hot Cheetos/Associations
    04/04/2018
    Tristanjmnz
    Once again I'm obsessed with a certain song and I've been replaying it over and over again. I tend to do that a lot. Whenever I hear a song when I'm feeling shitty or even a song that makes me feel even better when I'm already feeling pretty good that song sticks with me....
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    Love
    03/13/2018
    Tristanjmnz
    When talking about my feelings towards other people and my affections towards them I tend to talk about crushes more than any actual real feelings. There's a reason for that and I suppose it's probably because I have more experience with crushes. A lot more experience. Sure, I've been in a few "relationships." I'm...
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    Undelivered Letters: Summer
    02/04/2018
    Tristanjmnz
    Dear Summer, Normally when talking about things that have happened between us I try and talk about it as objectively and as understanding as I can. You're only human and I have made some pretty terrible mistakes as well. I've hurt people, people I didn't intend on hurting but have hurt nonetheless. You, however, hurt...
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    This Year in Retrospect (2017)
    12/24/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    There are so many other posts I've been wanting to write for the past month or two. I have about 4-5 different drafts about half written out; one's an opinion topic on how hostile discussing gender can be at times, one was a sort of farewell to an old friend to give them some...
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    Automatic Thoughts
    11/14/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    This is something I've lived with most of my life without really knowing what it was or if it really was anything other than my own inner monologue. Automatic thoughts, the thoughts that go through your head that are often negative which aren't always in your control. For me its always been that voice...
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    Friendships
    10/07/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    Every time I make progress on bettering my mental health or bettering my situation things tend to turn to shit pretty quickly. I don't know what to blame this time. Normally I'd have some sort of reason for why I felt so awful or why I was so frustrated with a certain person, but...
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    Full of Regrettes
    09/24/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    I haven't posted in a while because I have been trying to avoid using this site. Recently I've had a real difficult time talking with people. Partly because I've felt pretty distant from most of the people I felt really close to, both figuratively and literally. But mostly it's just been me. My anxieties...
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    Making Mistakes
    08/08/2017
    Excelsyor
    I'm not sure I should be posting this and to the admin: If you'd like to take it down, you can. Back to late night rambles that I never would've posted before. It's probably foolish and i'm probably 'making a mistake' but i'm hoping that maybe this will help, to just get it all...
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    Refocus, Rehabilitate, and Re-Appreciate
    07/31/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    Okay. Just breathe. This past month has just been a mess. Has it been a month? I'm not quite sure, it's certainly been a good number of weeks I feel but my perception of time is kind of a bit off right now so I can't say for sure. I've talked in my posts...
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    Coming Back/Saying Goodbye
    07/13/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    A lot has transpired in the past year and I really wanted to be able to say that I've learned anything from of it, but I haven't. I have seen myself time and time again repeating the same mistakes and sometimes with the same people even though I know I shouldn't have this person...
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    Giving Other People Control/Waiting
    07/09/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    I tend to do this thing in many of my friendships and it's that for some inexplicable reason (in some of my friendships) I tend to give the other person total control in the relationship. I end up sitting in the back row of a performance that I should be co-directing. Yet, I don't....
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    One More Time With Feeling..
    06/26/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    I am going to try one bizarre thing and try one more time to write like how I used to. To try and gain that feeling I once had back when this site meant something to me. And to try and do that I'm going to try and talk less about situations, events, and...
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    Saturday Morning, 3 AM
    06/24/2017
    Mary Tyler Moore
    I can hear the soft breathing of the girl that I love, As she lies here beside me asleep with the night, Her hair like a mist as it floats on my pillow, reflecting the glow of a winter moonlight. But she knows and I know that I'll never be, as good as the ones who came before me So...
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    Words have Consequences.. (Why I Hate "In My Head")
    06/18/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    This site has been up since 2013 and it has been one of the few things I'm proud of, it's essentially just a blog but with my focus to talk about topics and feelings rather than about situations and people it allowed people to relate to my posts, to read them and even if...
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    Goodbye My Lover
    06/15/2017
    Sebastian
    So recently my laptop had a stroke. I got the dreaded blue screen of death after uninstalling some bloatware that came with Adobe PDF viewer, and apparently it didn't uninstall correctly. I spent about 4 hours trying to do a system restore to a couple days earlier and luckily, after all that hard work,...
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    Moving On..
    06/15/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    If anybody has been following along I think they would already know I have a difficult time letting go. I grow an unhealthy attachment to things and people that make me happy and I panic at even the thought of losing some of these things because honestly I think I'm afraid I'll lose the...
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    I'll Try Anything Once
    06/14/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    There is a time when we all fail, Some people take it pretty well, Some take it all out on themselves, Some they just take it out on friends, Oh everybody plays the game, And if you don't you're called insane, I didn't know what to title this post, nor do I really know what...
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    If The Babadook Can Be Gay...
    06/11/2017
    Sebastian
    I don't exactly know how or why, but I have been feeling unusually happy lately. This isn't the okay state that I found myself in after coming out of my breakup, but instead it feels like my natural happy normal state that I was in before Amy a year ago (names have been altered...
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    Recharging and Intro to Anxiety
    06/10/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    In case you didn't already know this, I am very socially anxious. And no, not shy. Sure, that's what it looks like most of the time but I wish I was just shy. I was this was just pre-show jitters. I mean even talking with my friends still makes me uncomfortable and anxious. In...
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    Without My Floaties This Time
    06/10/2017
    Sebastian
    My birthday is coming up again in a couple days. I look back at my post around this time last year before I turned 21, and I almost want to say I was completely wrong. I don't think it had anything to do with age or the number 21, but it feels like this...
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    The Honeymoon Phase
    06/08/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    Oh how wonderful the honeymoon phase is, that brief period in people's relationships where everything seems great, you love the person you're with and nothing they could say or do will bother you, but of course as with any other phase it does come to an end. I don't think this phase is something...
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    Superheroes (and the Incredible Red Fist)
    06/07/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    With the extreme popularity of super heroes and their summer big blockbuster hits raking in billions its sort of hard to think of a time where this at one point niche genre was this small but strong glimmer of hope.  We didn't watch superhero movies to watch Batman kick Superman's ass or the extreme...
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    Act My Age
    06/05/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    God, it's such a frightening thought but every day that passes it becomes more and more true but I'm starting to get to that age where I needed to have already had my life figured out. Like before it was oh yeah, no you'll definitely figure it out just give it time but now...
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    Look How We've Grown
    06/04/2017
    Sebastian
    It's the memories that are the worst. The happiness I felt in those fleeting moments that keep playing in my head over and over, painting a sad smile on my face. It's those memories that make it so difficult to let go. It feels like I'm tearing a piece of myself apart. But I...
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    Not Over You
    06/01/2017
    Sebastian
    Disclaimer: These are my inner most thoughts and feelings. I don't know if I'm even comfortable sharing them. It's painful keeping all this in and writing it out helps. Please don't judge me for them. Did I ever stop loving her? I tried to. I thought I was past most of the hurt. I stopped thinking...
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    Dear Sam
    06/01/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    I wanted to write something that didn't have anything to do with my friends (former or current), at least not directly about them, since I have been doing that quite a bit.. so I thought I might try and delve further into my experiences with Sam. Sam, for those who don't know is a...
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    Hey Remember That Time?
    06/01/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    Hey remember that time when you od'ed Hey remember that other time when you od'ed for the second time Well in the waiting room while waiting for news of you I hallucinated I could read your mind And I was on a lot of shit too but what I saw, man, I tell you...
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    Fidelity
    05/31/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    Once again I'm writing a new post that I have been inspired to write because of a Regina Spektor song. I suppose I get a bit attached to songs and their lyrics/meanings sometimes... Anyway, I'm admittedly kind of in a weird state right now. I'm in a strange emotional state where I feel both...
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    You can't make everyone happy.
    05/31/2017
    Sebastian
    I know it seems obvious. In a way, I've known this in the back of my head from the beginning, but it didn't stop me from trying. The situation I have the most trouble with is when two people have a disagreement, and I have to choose who is right. As a neutral party...
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    Afraid
    05/29/2017
    Sebastian
    This isn't the fear like my irrational fear of jellyfish. When I say afraid, I mean the fear tied to my deepest insecurities. I feel like it would be so much easier if I just limited myself so people couldn't hurt me, but I keep going out and asking for it. Maybe it's because...
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    There's Not Enough Glue in the World.
    05/29/2017
    Excelsyor
    I wish life never had to change. It seems naive and I know it's wring but there's too much that's gone wrong in my life for me to easily welcome change. It started two years ago. That's when it became unbearable. Two years since emotional abuse so bad the wounds still haven't come close...
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    What Money Can Buy
    05/27/2017
    Sebastian
    So I wanted to know exactly how much it would cost, per year, if you decided to live life the most expensive way possible. I'm talking about selecting the top most result when you filter your prices high to low every single time. This should be fun! Lets start with the very basic necessities: Water, Food, and...
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    Addicted to Love (Hurt)
    05/26/2017
    Sebastian
    March 20th, 2017 It was 8 pm. I had just broken up with my girlfriend. I was numb, and I only felt relief. There were no more lies, and I had clarity for the first time in weeks. I didn't want to break up; I actually loved her. But she didn't love me. Not anymore....
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    My Dearest Friend
    05/26/2017
    Excelsyor
    Dear Depression, I thought that you'd moved away a bit ago. Gone off on your own to see the world and left me in your dust. I was okay with that. I certainly didn't expect to see you back so soon. Although I guess it is my fault for welcoming you back with open arms. Now...
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    What I Never Said
    05/25/2017
    Sebastian
    I was wrong. I was hurt, but I never said anything. I never told you how it made me feel. I just accepted that when it came down to it, no matter what I did, at the end of the day you would still choose her over me. I just wasn't the person that...
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    Waiting
    05/23/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    Aside from my "normal" fluctuating emotions there's been this other feeling I've felt the past couple of days which I've had a difficult time trying to explain or even wrap around my head. It isn't really an emotion. At least I don't think it is an emotion because it doesn't feel like one and...
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    Threshold (Part Two)
    05/13/2017
    Tristanjmnz
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    Ne Me Quitte Pas - How Music Affects My Emotions and Vice Versa
    05/08/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    I've probably talked about this topic in some way or another in previous posts of mine because of how important music is in my healing process. Well, not just the HEALING process, I guess. I just get emotionally attached to songs and which song often depends on which emotion. The main example I always...
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    Threshold
    05/02/2017
    Tristanjmnz
    I had refused to write anything for a good while partially because I didn't quite have anything to say that was positive or didn't almost directly affect someone else. That's not really something I wanted to do then since things were still pretty tender. Although I write these with the intent of just relieving...
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    I was Never Better
    01/31/2017
    SkyFall
    The only happiness I feel anymore is when I’m stoned but afterwards I feel worse than I ever have and want to kill myself. I ride an intense high before sinking to rock bottom. No one knows I’m bad again, no one knows I’m doing worse than I was before. No one knows that...
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    There is no Escape
    01/30/2017
    SkyFall
    I know I am broken when I look back at my past. I can catalog the people who have hurt me, whether they actually did or whether I made it up for whatever reason my twisted mind created, I have a history of crawling back to them. I am so lonely and unable to...
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    Best Friend.
    01/02/2017
    Queenie
    Alcohol Burns my throat My head spins Sun setting He kisses me No please He's on top of me The moon is out I can't move I can't think He pushed his tongue in my mouth I pushed my head to the side He didn't stop, Held my wrists above my head Kissed from my neck to my chest I wanted to say no or get up But I couldn't I...
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    Nightmare Reality
    12/23/2016
    Queenie
    On the floor she cries Under a blanket she hides It feels so bad He was a cad Her heart was breaking Her body shaking  
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    Bad
    12/11/2016
    Queenie
    Alcohol burns my throat My head spins Sun setting He kisses me No please He's on top of me The T.V blaring I can't move I can't think He shoved his tongue down my mouth I pushed my head away He didn't stop held my wrist together above my head kissed down my neck to my chest I wanted to speak to move I was frozen in place his hands in my...
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    Him
    12/11/2016
    Queenie
    I hate it, His face, His voice, I hate that I still recognized him, I hate that I let you use me, Most of all I hate that I couldn't say what I've been meaning to say after all these years, I'm still the small girl I once was around you  
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    Undelivered Letters: Amy
    12/11/2016
    Tristanjmnz
    Dear Amy, We never really got to talk much, which is really unfortunate but I also think it might have been for the best. We were both going through our own personalized hell during this time and we might not have been able to focus or deal with these things properly if we had. Well,...
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    Undelivered Letters: Emily
    12/05/2016
    Tristanjmnz
    Dear Emily, Oh man, it's been a while since we've talked. Hasn't it? Well, since we've talked regularly like we used to, that is. Let me just start off by saying you mean a lot to me and I miss you.  Just in a "I really enjoyed the times we spent together, talked, and just...
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    Passing The Time
    11/16/2016
    Tristanjmnz
    I feel after I've made my 2016 recap post I've said all there is to say about what I've been and am still currently going through. I'm sure I'm the only one that's read it, and that's alright because it was really only intended for me. I keep waking up every morning with this...
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    A Snippet From a Book I'll Probably Never Finish
    10/28/2016
    Tristanjmnz
    High school was coming close to an end and for the first time that didn’t seem to bother me. Sure, there were so many things I wanted to accomplish that I wasn’t able to, but just because high school was nearing its finish didn’t mean that my chances to do what I wanted to...
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    This Year in (an early) Retrospect (2016)
    10/28/2016
    Tristanjmnz
    Disclaimer: This is a very long post, and breaks a lot of previous rules I have set in place for myself to avoid talking about specific situations and specific people. I need to vent and my feelings towards a certain person or situation may not be exactly as written here this is just how...
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    Another Fresh Start..
    10/04/2016
    Tristanjmnz
    God it's almost frightening how similar my thoughts and feelings are to things I have written in the past. Here's the post I made April 3rd, 2013. I suppose I'm stuck in a rut, a never ending cycle that will happen to me every couple of years. I sure hope not, but we'll see. A...
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    Obsessions and Mistakes
    09/04/2016
    Tristanjmnz
    I've recently come to notice a reoccurring pattern in my life. There will be things and people I find who I love and care about so intensely that they start to become an obsession. A crush in some cases, but this isn't exclusive to only crushes. There will be a person, an event, or even...
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    Honesty
    05/27/2016
    Mary Tyler Moore
    Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyways. There are so many opportunities that we have everyday to make someone feel good about themselves. There's millions of ways to make a person smile. We all know it; we all know that so much as a smile or a "hello" could light up...
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    Revenge
    05/26/2016
    Tristanjmnz
    I normally try to refrain from talking about specific events or people, but there's something I really feel the need to talk about. People do bad things for whatever reason; they're upset about something and they're lashing out, they're seeking attention, or sometimes people just get a big kick out of making other people...
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    Blog Update: Anonymous Posts
    05/13/2016
    Tristanjmnz
    So, in case any of you guys have noticed I have recently modified the current form for writing blog posts which now includes a check mark to allow your post to not be tied with your username when reviewed and published to the site. However, to prevent any issues with bullying, spam, or anything...
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    Behind the Glass Wall
    05/05/2016
    Sebastian
    There is a deafening sound in my head. The blaring thunderous noise of utter defeat and madness. Trapped inside my own self, unable to do the simplest thing. The one thing I want to do more than anything else in the world. Behind a glass wall screaming and slamming my fists into it as...
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    The Goliath In The Shadows
    05/04/2016
    Sebastian
    I want to talk about something that's been bothering me for the past couple of days. If you don't know, I'm planning on going into a career of Investment Banking. I always found finance to be very interesting, and I've been following it closely for nearly the past decade. But a couple days ago,...
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    Why are crushes always out of our reach?
    05/04/2016
    Sebastian
    So this is kind of a reply to Tristan's earlier post on crushes. I wanted to talk about why it always feels like your crush is so amazing that they would never go for someone like you. I really related to his post because I too have a crush at the moment. I was...
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    Crushes
    05/02/2016
    Tristanjmnz
    Crushes.. I thought I was done with these when I was done with high school but apparently not. Here I am, about three years after graduating still in the exact situation. I have a crush. That's a statement that I previously would have been more than glad to say out loud but now it's...
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    Ahh, I had to write something about something
    05/02/2016
    Lavender
    So I don't know what to write for my actual first post, but my sister recommended writing about love. I don't know much about love, I've never quite been in love. Sure I had crushes, but I wouldn't count them as actual love. Besides, everyone has written about love, maybe it's redundant now. But...
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    Addicted to Love
    05/02/2016
    Mary Tyler Moore
    He found her body was a wonderful succession of details. He liked staring at her thighs as she was kneeling down because they shimmered in the soft light. And he quite liked that her clean feet were sometimes dirty. He secretly loved looking at her breasts while she was doing something. He loved looking...
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    People Are Like Ogres
    04/28/2016
    Sebastian
    Ogres are like onions. Donkey: They stink? Shrek: Yes. No. Donkey: Oh, they make you cry. Shrek: No. Donkey: Oh, you leave em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin’ little white hairs. Shrek: No. Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. Donkey: Oh, you both have layers....
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    Small Things
    04/26/2016
    Lavender
    I think there is a certain amount of preciousness in the little things. Flowers growing through the sidewalk, seeing the start of a tree in a tiny flower pot. The innocent beginning of a relationship. Or even seemingly meaningless questions, like, " Hey, did you happen to eat today?" Or, " How did you sleep...
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    Toxic People
    04/25/2016
    Tristanjmnz
    Honestly, I hate that term, "Toxic" to describe people in your life but that's really the best word I can think of to describe certain people in my life. Toxic. In the past couple of months I have unintentionally surrounded myself with a lot of people who have had a huge negative impact on...
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    Exit Through the Gift Shop
    04/23/2016
    Mary Tyler Moore
    I wish just once that someone would be excited and involved in the decisions I make. When I say “I’m thinking of cutting my hair” I wish someone would just fucking pretend to act interested. Instead of saying, “Eh, if you don’t like it it’ll just grow back” or “just do whatever you think...
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    Answers
    04/22/2016
    Mary Tyler Moore
    In order to find the right answers, you must first ask the right questions. At times we all wish there was some special potion that we can drink in order to clear the fog, and we're always disappointed when we realize that will never happen. Sometimes the best solution is to just wait. Ride...
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    Moving On
    04/21/2016
    Sebastian
    One of the most difficult things in life that we have to do is to move on from something. To end a chapter. Start from the beginning again. And life make us do it over and over, as if doing it just once wasn't hard enough. Sometimes it can be a good thing, such...
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    Being an Adult
    04/17/2016
    Sebastian
    With my 21st birthday coming up in just a few months, I've started thinking about what it means to be an adult. My whole life, I had thought that once I turned 21, I would spontaneously become a fully functioning independent adult member of society. However, with just two months to go, I don't...
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    Bullying a Bully
    04/17/2016
    Sebastian
    We've all heard the news stories of kids committing suicide because of cyber bullying. In the beginning I always thought, 'how could someone do that to someone else so publicly and not be stopped?' Since then, I've had much more experience seeing cyber bullying first hand, and I saw that it was so much...
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    Direct Message
    04/16/2016
    Mary Tyler Moore
    He loved her. He really did. But there were times when he despised the way she would ignore what he was saying, and he sometimes hated the way she wasn't direct about what she wanted. He wished she could just give him a straight answer and he hoped that she would say, "I love...
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    Starting Over
    04/13/2016
    Tristanjmnz
    Well I fucked up. In an effort to move over the domain over to a new host, one that I was actually paying for and didn't put pop-up ads that I couldn't get rid of, I forgot to back up the site and all the posts I had so for the most part I...
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    Living With Social Anxiety
    04/09/2016
    Tristanjmnz
    Most people confuse Social Anxiety with simply being Shy. This is quite irritating, because most people don’t quite comprehend the immense difference between the two. Being shy means you’re reluctant, or uncomfortable, with meeting new people and or going up in front of the class. However, social anxiety is something that is much more  challenging. It’s basically...
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    The Time I Auditioned For a Play and Was So Scared I Almost Died
    04/09/2016
    Tristanjmnz
    I didn’t know what to write about for the blog, but I happened to find an assignment I wrote for psychology class a few months ago. Enjoy. Thinking about it over and over again was probably the worst part of it. Not saying that the actual experience wasn’t a horrible terrifying experience, but the anticipation...
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    The End
    07/20/2013
    Tristanjmnz
    I like to think of the endings of things. Sometimes it makes me appreciate the current state of things, knowing things are just going to get worse. That sounds a bit depressing and cynical, but I mean… nothing lasts forever and endings are rarely happy ones. We wouldn’t be so afraid of them if...
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    Class of 2013
    05/29/2013
    Tristanjmnz
    My years here in high school are soon coming to an end, so I might as well leave with some words to those who care to read them. I’m a bit indifferent about actually graduating. I don’t feel any feeling of excitement or sadness and I’m not entirely sure why that is. The more...
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    Empathy vs Sympathy
    04/25/2013
    Tristanjmnz
    When trying to console a friend in need who’s really upset or disturbed there are often two things you might feel. You will either be empathetic towards their problem or sympathetic for the person. While both may be similar, there’s quite a difference between the two. For example, when someone loses a parent you...
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    Defining the Line Between Reality and Fantasy
    04/09/2013
    Tristanjmnz
    You can already tell I like to write, and it isn’t limited to just this blog. For the past month, I’ve been working on a novel/story entitled “In My Head”. That’s actually how I got the name of the site. Sure, the name fits but it has more meaning to me. The logo is...
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    The Power of Anonymity
    04/09/2013
    Tristanjmnz
    With the invention of the internet we began getting an increase in the ability to express our opinions and beliefs more freely, more importantly without fear of reprimand because of the safety of being anonymous. Sure, not all people express their opinions anonymously (like me for example), but a lot do. I’m not only...
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    Life Has No Meaning and Why That’s Alright
    04/08/2013
    Tristanjmnz
    Many of us are in that obsessive search to find the meaning to life and why we’re all here. Some say that the meaning of life is to seek divine salvation and receive the grace of God and Christ. Others say the meaning of life is to reproduce, live life to the “fullest”, or...
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    A Fresh Start (+ Making This Blog for Everyone)
    04/03/2013
    Tristanjmnz
    A few days ago I wrote about how one can make irrational decisions and actions while being affected by depression and there was more to it then just making stupid mistakes. I can say that, in the past few months, I have made some choices that have affected how the rest of my high...
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    Depression is a Necessary Process
    03/29/2013
    Tristanjmnz
    I’ve learned from past experiences that depression isn’t always such a bad thing. In fact, I believe it’s necessary to go through to learn and grow as a person. We all learn from our mistakes, learning the bad outcomes involved in making awful decisions. I know that whenever I’m depressed I often do things...
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    Are We All Replaceable?
    03/08/2013
    Tristanjmnz
    Having a very morbid thought of life, I often have the view that life here is pointless, because eventually everyone who knew you will forget you. Unless you do something truly amazing, or evil (Hitler or Stalin), you won’t be remembered that long after your death. That’s inevitable. Your life story won’t entirely be...
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    Why I Both Hate and Love Religion
    02/28/2013
    Tristanjmnz
    I don’t want to bash on religion, but I do want to talk about some certain aspects of it that has irritated me. I should start with what I like about organized religion first, because I’d rather not start with upsetting people. Firstly, religion is generally a good thing. It brings hope, happiness, and...
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