I’ve learned from past experiences that depression isn’t always such a bad thing. In fact, I believe it’s necessary to go through to learn and grow as a person. We all learn from our mistakes, learning the bad outcomes involved in making awful decisions. I know that whenever I’m depressed I often do things I won’t normally see myself doing when I’m in a normal sane state. I make bad choices, because I’m not thinking too rationally or critically. During my depressions I don’t realize or worry about the future, because I don’t really see one. Sure, that sounds like either a bad or good thing, based on how you look at it, but it’s really a mixture of the two. You tend to worry less and not stress about some things that aren’t really too important, but you ponder the big issues in your life. You become more isolated and have some time to think, some time to evolve, and teach yourself something important. It really is a pain when you feel like the depression will never go away, but I’ve always had some sort of epiphany or brand new state of mind ending my depression and have come out smarter and feeling better than how I did before I got the depression. So, I like to think when I’m depressed about how soon I will be happy, happier than before, and I will have come out learning some new knowledge or self-taught lesson about something that has been worrying my mind. Something that I’ve only really had the time to think about once I’ve stopped making plans and stopped worrying about other less important issues. Of course, you don’t always make bad decisions or even isolate yourself. Sometimes you keep to your same old routine and act like nothing is bothering you. I believe that isn’t the greatest thing to do when depressed, because you always need someone to talk to (depressed or not) and if you do that you might be just trying to deny that you’re depressed or not work on getting better. The motivation to get out of the depression is an important factor in the healing process.
If you don’t want to get better, which you might feel like at times, it’s much difficult to do so and learn. Plus, you have to have some kind of motivation when in a depression or you might just get worse and end up going down a path you might not be able to return from. This is very unfortunate, because like I’ve said, when you’re depressed you don’t always think too rationally. You make decisions that you wouldn’t normally consider. This is a good thing at times to learn from your mistakes of making these choices, but when you attempt an irreversible action, a “permanent solution to a temporary problem”, you can’t learn or even know if you made the right decision. It’s never the right decision in my opinion. There’s always something else. I’ve made up reason that it would be the best choice “logically”, and felt that I’ve made a rational decision and it didn’t bug me. That was the scariest time of my life, looking back at it now. I’ve made the “rational” choice of doing the permanent solution a set number of days from when I made the decision and went on with my life. I was euphoric and felt carefree. There’s not to much to worry about if you’re not going to be there a couple weeks from now. It wasn’t until I had a panic attack from the fear of having to present for psychology class did I start to worry about that decision. I find it pretty funny how my panic attacks have been both the cause of my life being almost destroyed and being saved as well. Thank and curse you, Anxiety Disorder. It was then that I actually made a good decision. I needed to tell someone about these thoughts and the choice I made, so I told my brother. December 12th (12/12/12), I voluntarily admitted myself into a behavioral clinic and acquired the help I needed. I extremely suggest seeking outside help when feeling down. It’s great to have both those internal thoughts and external opinions.
When you feel depressed or down, try and think, “I’m going to get better and I’m going to bebetter coming out of it than I was going in.” You will get out of it. Depression doesn’t last forever, even though it may feel like it during it, but it will go away and you will have gone through the process. It is necessary to go through these processes many times in life so you can learn and change to become a better you. There’s always room for improvement and we get the chance to make one whenever we are given the opportunity of having to endure depression, and remember we have all gone or will go through it. It’s not just kids or teenagers that get depressed. Your parents, grandparents, family, friends, and etc. know that experience all too well. Which is why I advise when you see someone you are close to going through depression offer to help and respect their decision if they don’t want it. It may not be the best decision, but it’s their decision and you have to let them see the results of that decision to learn that it isn’t the greatest decision. Also, use that piece of information when you consider asking for help. Everyone should understand that same feeling of helplessness, and should be able to and might really want to help you. Though it may feel like it, you are not alone. You are surrounded by people who love you and care about you, no matter how old you are or the decisions you might have made in the past.
Going through the process,
I wanted to write something that didn’t have anything to do with my friends (former or current), at least not directly about them, since I have been doing that quite a bit.. so I thought I might try and delve further into my experiences with Sam. Sam, for those who don’t know is a name
Dear Amy, We never really got to talk much, which is really unfortunate but I also think it might have been for the best. We were both going through our own personalized hell during this time and we might not have been able to focus or deal with these things properly if we had. Well,
If anybody has been following along I think they would already know I have a difficult time letting go. I grow an unhealthy attachment to things and people that make me happy and I panic at even the thought of losing some of these things because honestly I think I’m afraid I’ll lose the happiness