Ahh, I had to write something about something


So I don’t know what to write for my actual first post, but my sister recommended writing about love. I don’t know much about love, I’ve never quite been in love. Sure I had crushes, but I wouldn’t count them as actual love. Besides, everyone has written about love, maybe it’s redundant now. But I’m a little shit and I’m gonna write about it anyway.

I’ve really only ever seen love. I’ve seen the love with my parents, and even though she never talked about her relationship, I know the love my sister had.  With my parents, it was always a caring type. ” Did you make your bed today? Don’t forget to use the almond milk, you’re allergic to cow milk! ” Things like that I guess. But with my sister, it’s a bit harder. She never talked about who the guy was, but you could tell she was in love. The way that my sister was in love, now that’s the type of love I want. Burning, always wanting more. Someone that will make me as happy as she was. Love really did help my sister, she started eating more, she started to take her meds again. She became a better person. Now that’s a love right? As for my parents, I can’t say if they became better people, but they’re always looking out for each other. And I always found that endearing.

Then of course, there’s always an ending to good things. Eventually my parents divorced. But I think it was because they loved each other, if that makes sense. And then with my sister…  She still never talked about anything, but you could tell something had happened. She stopped eating again, started filling her hours with running and crying. And boy did she cry a lot. I nearly slapped her. You could tell that she loved this person a lot, at some point it actually made her physically sick. So there’s that. That entire fiasco made me say nope to the idea of love. But still, her love made her happy, and who doesn’t want to be happy?

And there’s this whole idea where love makes you do some crazy shit. Like my parents, they had kids. I fucking hate kids. But ayyyyee, I’m here so gotta thank them for that I guess. I don’t think my sister did anything reckless because of love, but she was in a car crash a while ago. I don’t think it was because of love, but it could’ve been.  Sent her into a coma for a few days though. Sometimes I worry about her. I still hear her cry at night. Whether it’s about that boy I don’t know. We’ve had a hard life, it’s hard to tell.

Maybe I should’ve written this in a poetic style, I’m pretty good at that. But I’m a Shit person and never listen to myself. Most of this was rambling anyway. Hopefully future posts will have more meaning. Or maybe I’ll keep rambling, I kind of like that. 1. Because it pisses people off 2. Because I don’t feel judged for just writing whatever. Sometimes that’s what people need, right? Anywayyy, I don’t know what else to right, so I’m ending this now… Yep

    – Lavender


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So much time can pass and for some god forsaken reason I will still have the tendency to look back at past events like they had just occurred and I look back at it with these rose-colored glasses called nostalgia. An important thing to know about me is I (more frequently than I’d like) burn

March 20th, 2017 It was 8 pm. I had just broken up with my girlfriend. I was numb, and I only felt relief. There were no more lies, and I had clarity for the first time in weeks. I didn’t want to break up; I actually loved her. But she didn’t love me. Not anymore.

A lot has transpired in the past year and I really wanted to be able to say that I’ve learned anything from of it, but I haven’t. I have seen myself time and time again repeating the same mistakes and sometimes with the same people even though I know I shouldn’t have this person in