It’s the memories that are the worst. The happiness I felt in those fleeting moments that keep playing in my head over and over, painting a sad smile on my face. It’s those memories that make it so difficult to let go. It feels like I’m tearing a piece of myself apart. But I do it anyway, even though I don’t have to, and it would be easier if I didn’t. Because it’s not about me.
It’s a conscious decision I make based on the things I know at the time. It’s the right decision I tell myself. So far I have been right, why would this time be any different. And if I’m wrong, at least I will be the only one that gets hurt. Which only means it’ll hurt me even more if I’m right. But like I said, it’s not about me. It’s a sacrifice. That thing you do that really really sucks, but you’ll do it in a heartbeat when you have to because you love them.
I do it because I can take it. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s doable. I had a.. different.. childhood. I think because of it, as a kid I learned how to endure. I can keep going when things are at their worst. It seems crazy to me sometimes when I think about what’s happening that I can find morsels of happiness or create them when I need them. The analogy I use in my head is a hand cranked generator. I keep turning it and just take it 10 seconds at a time. Everything is easier if you only think about having to do it for 10 seconds (Also I think I finally understand that analogy from Unbreakable). The hard part is not knowing if I made the right choice. It seems like the right choice. It feels like the right choice. But maybe it wasn’t my choice to make. At the same time, it’s my right to be able to make that choice. I guess only time will tell. Until then, I’ll keep trying to stay okay. Maybe I won’t be great, but okay will do for now. (:
With the extreme popularity of super heroes and their summer big blockbuster hits raking in billions its sort of hard to think of a time where this at one point niche genre was this small but strong glimmer of hope. We didn’t watch superhero movies to watch Batman kick Superman’s ass or the extreme spectacle
I’ve learned from past experiences that depression isn’t always such a bad thing. In fact, I believe it’s necessary to go through to learn and grow as a person. We all learn from our mistakes, learning the bad outcomes involved in making awful decisions. I know that whenever I’m depressed I often do things I
I can’t believe I let this get as bad as it had gotten before. I had nightmares about those times, how awful my life was and how awful I was.. I loathed who I used to be and I ended up being that person once more. I still don’t know how to cope with knowing