I wish life never had to change. It seems naive and I know it’s wring but there’s too much that’s gone wrong in my life for me to easily welcome change. It started two years ago. That’s when it became unbearable. Two years since emotional abuse so bad the wounds still haven’t come close to healing. I can’t be in a relationship to this day without wanting to throw up after more that a few days.
Last night he told me he loved me, he doesn’t know that I want to die. He has no idea that when I said ‘I love you’ back that I didn’t mean it. I have no clue how to end this hell. It’s not fair to him. He feel in love with someone who’s broken and now he’s going to learn what it feels like to be cut by those edges.
This all comes down to a simple fact; I hurt everyone I care about in some way shape or form. How can one person fuck their own life up so much? Stay tuned to find out.
It’s an odd feeling to desire to hold hands and cuddle and be loved but at the same time be so deeply terrified and scarred that once anything like that happens you instantly become so anxious it’s hard to function. I am a deeply broken person and I’m not quite sure how to heal.
I’d like to think one day I can be laying in bed at night with the person I love and be completely content, but if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t see that happening. I’m too fucked up to be loved. I think it will just be a manner of learning to live with that. That’s what’s gonna take a while. That’s the closest to healing I can get.
To be unlovable is to be broken, and I am shattered beyond repair.
I feel after I’ve made my 2016 recap post I’ve said all there is to say about what I’ve been and am still currently going through. I’m sure I’m the only one that’s read it, and that’s alright because it was really only intended for me. I keep waking up every morning with this naive
I don’t want to bash on religion, but I do want to talk about some certain aspects of it that has irritated me. I should start with what I like about organized religion first, because I’d rather not start with upsetting people. Firstly, religion is generally a good thing. It brings hope, happiness, and takes