There is a deafening sound in my head. The blaring thunderous noise of utter defeat and madness. Trapped inside my own self, unable to do the simplest thing. The one thing I want to do more than anything else in the world. Behind a glass wall screaming and slamming my fists into it as hard as I can, but nothing. They can’t see me. They’re bleeding out. Hurting. But this glass will not give.
I scream to them that I love them. At the top of my lungs. Punching the glass until my fists start to bleed, but this glass only works one way. They can’t see me. They don’t even know I exist. And I can only watch them hopelessly as they’re being ripped apart. This glass keeps me safe from what’s outside. And it’s very hard for me to let anyone past my glass wall. But I’d rather leave it and run outside to help them. Fight off their monsters. Die for them if I have to. Pick them up, carry them somewhere safe. Stitch up their wounds and tell them everything is going to be okay now. Because I love them. Because I will be there for them now and forever. But the glass wall doesn’t work that way. It doesn’t let me leave. It silences my voice and they will never see how much they mean to me.
So I watch. Through the glass screaming to myself. The deafening noise of my frustration with this wall. Unable to help. Unable to tell them I love them. To tell them I would do anything in the world for them. Unable to show that, show me, behind this glass wall.
You can already tell I like to write, and it isn’t limited to just this blog. For the past month, I’ve been working on a novel/story entitled “In My Head”. That’s actually how I got the name of the site. Sure, the name fits but it has more meaning to me. The logo is also
Ogres are like onions. Donkey: They stink? Shrek: Yes. No. Donkey: Oh, they make you cry. Shrek: No. Donkey: Oh, you leave em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin’ little white hairs. Shrek: No. Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.
If anybody has been following along I think they would already know I have a difficult time letting go. I grow an unhealthy attachment to things and people that make me happy and I panic at even the thought of losing some of these things because honestly I think I’m afraid I’ll lose the happiness