My years here in high school are soon coming to an end, so I might as well leave with some words to those who care to read them. I’m a bit indifferent about actually graduating. I don’t feel any feeling of excitement or sadness and I’m not entirely sure why that is. The more I think about why I have no reaction, the more I think I’m a strange person. Oh well, I’m sure it will hit me sooner or later, that feeling of reality that I will no longer see many people who I enjoyed being around, even if I didn’t talk to them all the time. Sometimes, people’s presences can just be so uplifting. Someone’s bright and bubbly mood and make you smile, even when you’re having a real crappy day. Maybe I haven’t been given the chance to really ponder what graduating means, because I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress involving actually being able to graduate. I’ll be on track soon and then I’ll be free to be hit with all the graduating emotions, although I’m not really looking forward to it.
In just a few years I will be done with school entirely and be able to fulfill my life goals, do what I want to do for the rest of my life. The problem is… I don’t really know what I want to do. I’ve been so certain for a while that my interest was in game design, but then I started writing and really much enjoyed that, then I started to really love the feeling of helping someone in need, so I decide I want to be a psychologist, but then I remember how hard that will be and I go back to wanting to go into game design. Thus, the cycle continues. What would I want to accomplish before my 10 year reunion? A few months ago I’d tell you, I’d be lucky if I was still alive by then. I say stupid things when I feel down. Now, I want to try and live my life. Truly live my life. Venture into the world of dating, partying, working, vacations… A world of heartbreak and happiness. Just really taking Carpe Diem, “Seize the day”, seriously.
Enough with the future, because my anxiety is kicking in. Let’s talk a bit about the past. I sort of discussed how my high school experience was during my presentation in English class, using two movies to describe it, (The Perks of Being a Wallflower and It’s Kind of a Funny Story) but I didn’t really go into too much detail, because I didn’t want to ruin everyone’s day too much. Freshman year I made the ingenious decision to try and blend in with the crowd, because when I stood out people realized more often how strange I was and made fun of me for it. So, I got bullied quite a bit in middle school. That plan worked, because I don’t remember getting bullied these four years, but it had even worse effects than bullying has. It isolated me, making me even more “different” than I already was. Although, irregardless I made friends who helped me out with this and made me feel really comfortable and made my time here bearable. I can’t express how thankful I am for my friends, even though I have lost quite a bit, for helping me get through this phase of my life. I hope your next phase of life treats you well, because you certainly deserve it.
My greatest accomplishment during my senior year may seem like such an insignificant action with no real result, but I can say that with certainty that my greatest achievement took place on October 22nd, 2012. I don’t know why I remember so vividly the entire approximately 20 minutes, despite my memory being terribly unreliable. I was really unsure whether I wanted to talk about this, but then I remembered I will only see the people at my school, and those (just one person) involved, for one more week. So, why not? As I was saying… being a teenage boy, I started becoming infatuated over a girl in one of my classes. I was tired of simply admiring crushes from afar, too afraid to do or say anything.. So, I conjured up the plan to write her a note. A note discussing how seeing her made my day light up, how I really wanted to tell her in person, and asked if maybe she felt any feelings for me, which I realize now was stupid. She didn’t know me. Anyway, I wasn’t expecting anything to come from this note, I really just wanted to take a step to coming out of my shell and I did. It was terrifying, seeing her discover the note on her desk and then read it. It was probably the most afraid I have ever felt, but then again… it wasn’t a bad feeling. It was a good kind of afraid, and though nothing came from it… I’m glad it happened.
Just like how I’m glad I’ve gone through these four years. Sure, I wish I could go back sometimes and right my wrongs, but in the end.. I’m glad everything happened the way it did, otherwise I wouldn’t be who I am in this exact moment. Sure, sometimes I wish I wasn’t, but I really do enjoy who I am today and hopefully I’ll enjoy who I am tomorrow. I hope everyone in the class of ’13 enjoy who they are tomorrow, and it will be great to hear that you are when we come back here 10 years from now. Goodbye high school.
P.S. I hope the girl I talked about doesn’t read this…
So, in case any of you guys have noticed I have recently modified the current form for writing blog posts which now includes a check mark to allow your post to not be tied with your username when reviewed and published to the site. However, to prevent any issues with bullying, spam, or anything else
I wish just once that someone would be excited and involved in the decisions I make. When I say “I’m thinking of cutting my hair” I wish someone would just fucking pretend to act interested. Instead of saying, “Eh, if you don’t like it it’ll just grow back” or “just do whatever you think is