You can already tell I like to write, and it isn’t limited to just this blog. For the past month, I’ve been working on a novel/story entitled “In My Head”. That’s actually how I got the name of the site. Sure, the name fits but it has more meaning to me. The logo is also based off a doodle I drew on the notebook where I was writing this story. The novel often references a safe haven for this main character that he can escape to in times of stress. I described it as a never-ending field of grass with a large oak tree in the center. An oak tree with certain distinct features that made it easily recognizable to the character, and even when he didn’t imagine being in this field, the tree always seemed to be somewhere in his head. Writing this story makes me feel better. I can express my opinions, worries, and feelings without a real sense of fear of being judged. I mean, it IS a “fictional” story. Actually, the story isn’t entirely fictional. Which is where the problem arises of having to define the line between reality and fantasy. The novel is a story of a boy with social anxiety who meets a new girl, whom is completely different from him (and very similar), and they both help each other become better people as they go through their last year of high school. There’s also the side plot of the main character struggling internally. He has issues with being in the moment. He thinks too much and creates these fake realities, so he doesn’t have to accept the truth about his actual reality. He tries to escape, but this new figure ,who talks to him whenever he tries to escape, convinces him it’s better to participate than to be in his head.
Judging by my previous posts (or knowing me personally), you can probably assume who the main character is based off. The story even has actual events in my life, and now it’s to the point that me and Daniel, the main character, share certain experiences and memories. I’m becoming Daniel Riggs. This is a horrible thing, because Daniel falls for his new friend Zoey. She is also based off of someone I know (there are plenty of personality differences but its still “based” off a certain person), but not someone I have feelings for in the way that I make the character have. Although, going through these new experiences while writing, I forget that he’s just a character on paper and so is Zoey. It’s strange looking at the girl Zoey is based after. Sure, I don’t have those feelings for her, but it’s still a very unusual feeling when I look into her eyes. I lose sight of reality and sometimes I don’t see the person, but the character. I know that’s not healthy. I don’t want to see the character and I don’t want to be Daniel either. It’s strange enough that I basically wrote everything about me with a few name changes, but now I may actually be falling for someone who doesn’t exist. This reminds me a lot of the situation in the movie, “Ruby Sparks”, where a similar thing happened to the main character. Although, in the movie his typewriter actually created this character that he was falling in love with. Sure, you can argue that my character is kind of real, but she’s not Zoey. She’s… her. I don’t have a magic typewriter that can make everything I write come to life. I wish I did. I really do…
Knowing all this… I’ve decided I really need to find a way to define some kind of line between these two worlds before they get too intermixed. Considering they haven’t already that is. Reality’s not that bad, but I do like the world in my notebook a bit better. Things are nicer there. Can’t do anything about that though and I just need to stop confusing the two worlds. One world should stay in my notebook and the other in reality. Zoey should stay words, while the girl should stay who she is. (I’m trying really hard not to mention any real names) This article was a lot about me, and I doubt it will have any useful purpose on any of your lives, but I just wanted to express what I was feeling. That is the purpose of the site after all. Although, if you do want something to take from this, it should be keep your fantasies and imagined realities far from our actual reality. Things may be better in your head, but the experience is much more invigorating here. In your fantasy, you don’t have any real senses. The important one I’m talking about is touch. You can’t feel the breeze of the beach kissing your cheek. You can’t feel his or her arm brushing up against your leg. You certainly can’t feel his or her lips on yours.
I am going to try one bizarre thing and try one more time to write like how I used to. To try and gain that feeling I once had back when this site meant something to me. And to try and do that I’m going to try and talk less about situations, events, and people
I know it seems obvious. In a way, I’ve known this in the back of my head from the beginning, but it didn’t stop me from trying. The situation I have the most trouble with is when two people have a disagreement, and I have to choose who is right. As a neutral party that
Aside from my “normal” fluctuating emotions there’s been this other feeling I’ve felt the past couple of days which I’ve had a difficult time trying to explain or even wrap around my head. It isn’t really an emotion. At least I don’t think it is an emotion because it doesn’t feel like one and I