I was Never Better

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The only happiness I feel anymore is when I’m stoned but afterwards I feel worse than I ever have and want to kill myself. I ride an intense high before sinking to rock bottom. No one knows I’m bad again, no one knows I’m doing worse than I was before. No one knows that I’m hurting more now than I ever was.

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A few days ago I wrote about how one can make irrational decisions and actions while being affected by depression and there was more to it then just making stupid mistakes. I can say that, in the past few months, I have made some choices that have affected how the rest of my high school

God, it’s such a frightening thought but every day that passes it becomes more and more true but I’m starting to get to that age where I needed to have already had my life figured out. Like before it was oh yeah, no you’ll definitely figure it out just give it time but now I’m

God it’s almost frightening how similar my thoughts and feelings are to things I have written in the past. Here’s the post I made April 3rd, 2013. I suppose I’m stuck in a rut, a never ending cycle that will happen to me every couple of years. I sure hope not, but we’ll see. A