I was Never Better

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The only happiness I feel anymore is when I’m stoned but afterwards I feel worse than I ever have and want to kill myself. I ride an intense high before sinking to rock bottom. No one knows I’m bad again, no one knows I’m doing worse than I was before. No one knows that I’m hurting more now than I ever was.

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In case you didn’t already know this, I am very socially anxious. And no, not shy. Sure, that’s what it looks like most of the time but I wish I was just shy. I was this was just pre-show jitters. I mean even talking with my friends still makes me uncomfortable and anxious. In the

Okay. Just breathe. This past month has just been a mess. Has it been a month? I’m not quite sure, it’s certainly been a good number of weeks I feel but my perception of time is kind of a bit off right now so I can’t say for sure. I’ve talked in my posts before

I can hear the soft breathing of the girl that I love, As she lies here beside me asleep with the night, Her hair like a mist as it floats on my pillow, reflecting the glow of a winter moonlight. But she knows and I know that I’ll never be, as good as the ones